Humor

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Pictures from my Mental Health Day

June is kinda my favorite month. It used to be because that was when school ended, and contrary to what you might believe about me, I was not a very good student (until college and grad school), but don’t tell any of my kids that. Lately I like June because I take off a lot of days to deal with my accumulated mental health problems. Being an exceedingly boring person, I seldom go anywhere and hence end up in June with a pile of “use ’em or lose ’em” days off.  I’ve never come even close to maxing my vacation time.

I was going to make a mental health trip to the Shenandoah yesterday, but the weather was rather sketchy looking, so I did it today instead… a glorious weather day. I particularly wanted to see some Civil War sites, which I did and which you can read about in my Civil War blog over the next 10 days or so … at http://www.enfiladinglines.com

But here are some pictures of things that caught my eye today … one Civil War thing, and then several more items.

This first set of two pictures needs explaining. I was at an elevated site on the Port Republic Battlefield when a tour bus pulls up. So I walked down the hill and struck up a conversation with a passenger, who told me it was a group of CW enthusiasts on a Stonewall Jackson tour of the Valley Campaign directed by Ed Bearrs – who is like 90 years old and perhaps the most famous CW historian and communicator ever. He is on lots of TV documentaries and is truly the rock star of CW tour guides and educators. He is an amazing man.

This next picture I took for both New York Giants fans and all the haters of the same!  To the fans I would say, “Rejoice while you can, because there is an apparent change coming.”  To everyone else I’d say, “No worries, the Giants are dead!”

This next picture is for my family – who often tell me that they don’t know what to get me for Christmas.  Here is an idea:

Part of the reason I need mental health escapes is because of dealing with people in crises – like marriages, for one example. This Mennonite mailbox sign caught my eye… but I know some folks who would say to this that bonds are not paying very high dividends right now, and that is why they need to play the broader market for higher profits.

I probably don’t need to prove the point that most Civil War geeks like me are more than a bit nuts. I walked a long distance to see this
marker that was supposed to be overlooking a panoramic view from a highly elevated hillside – oh well… just need some imagination.

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The Crazy New Family

My previous post about camping set a new record for responses and blog hits – didn’t see that one coming. But thanks everyone for your kind words – most of them anyhow!

The anniversary occasion has caused me to think back over some of the early years when I knew Diana and her family. I guess I knew that I was likely in for a change from my childhood household, but I never imagined how different it would be. Having been adopted by grandparents and growing up as essentially an only child with older parents, many of the details of my life were significantly different than most kids – both positively and negatively.

Since my dad was a farmer in his youth, our family diet was a rather constant meat, potato, and vegetable at each dinner. It was very American and pretty much never ventured into anything more ethnic than Pennsylvania Dutch. I was well into my teenage years before I ever ate pizza, and when I went to college and saw lasagna as a menu choice, I had to ask others what it was! Diana’s family really did not eat that many unusual things – probably more items from a German heritage than I was used to – but any place beyond my home was going to be exotic by comparison.

Probably the biggest change was being exposed to a new family that was a do-it-yourself clan. It was often economics that drove them toward this, though there were talents and generational experiences behind it as well. My father always believed that there was a professional for whatever you needed done. You hired electricians, plumbers, carpenters, mechanics, etc. and paid them for the things you needed accomplished. My father was always annoyed also when “lay people” preached or taught in the church service, because that is what the pastors went to seminary to learn how to do … not to mention they were being paid to do it! So it was a case of “he who represents himself in court has a fool for a lawyer” on a grand scale!

But I was completely unprepared for the scale of do-it-yourself-ism that went on in Diana’s house. I was amazed to find out that her school teacher father had actually constructed the living room addition onto their home as well as refurbishing major sections of the home. He even did this really bizarre mechanical thing I’d never seen done – he changed his own oil and filters in their cars! I wasn’t even sure it was legal to do things like this all by yourself.

I quietly observed all these things and said very little … that is, until the Texas trip for the Christmas of 1976. This was the winter before Diana and I were married, although her older sister was married and had moved with her husband and baby to Dallas, Texas. There was some thought in my mind at that time that I might attend Dallas Theological after my college graduation in 1978 – still over two years away (although in those days, in order to get into Dallas Seminary, one had to apply 15-18 months in advance). So I was invited to travel there with the family over the holidays.

There was much family excitement because Diana’s older sister and husband had just bought a new home (new to them) – a rather sizeable ranch house. It was plenty nice enough but was not really new. The home would be enhanced by some remodeling, and I remember sitting in the kitchen listening to this family discuss what I thought were outlandishly crazy ideas. They glibly threw around ideas about knocking out walls here and there to open the floor plan, etc.  And I finally said, “What is wrong with you people? You can’t just knock down walls whenever you want to. You are all crazy. This house will fall down!”  They tried to tell me that it was no big deal – ranting on and on about “non load-bearing walls” or something of that sort.

I believe it was then that I began to get this sinking feeling that Bauder women (Diana’s family name – of four daughters, no sons) believed that the men in their world could and should be able to accomplish practically whatever creative endeavor their minds envisioned. After all, Dad could do it! And he could. He had to! Somehow he’d go off, maybe confer with his building brothers and come back and make it happen.

Famous Bauder women sorts of phrases:

“We could JUST knock out this wall and …”

“We can JUST move this family room over there …”

“That fireplace should really be on the other side of the room …”

“So we’ll put the sink where the stove is, move the stove to where the fridge is, and build in the fridge as part of the new cabinets …”

“Just take the roof off that part of the house and we can put two new bedrooms there…”

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Wedding Anniversary and Camping Trips

Yesterday – the 14th – was a 35th anniversary for Diana and me. We were married soon after birth.

Whenever couples unite together, there is a coming together also of two family systems with varied ways of living life. I can see this is something of a challenge for my boys as they connect with the young ladies in their world. We’ve noticed a number of times that our family way of living and parenting has oft been vastly different than some of the girl-dominated families of their relationships.

And my family background was immediately very noticeably different from Diana’s!!  I may write a series of posts about this – which I think will be humorous especially for some of Diana’s relatives who read everything I write!  Just remember – I love you guys, no matter what I say over the next week!

Stimulating my thought to do this was the men’s retreat this past weekend – which was a camping event complete with snake visitations! (see previous blog post)

My family did not go camping. We had the good sense to take a vacation where you go somewhere nice and sleep in a comfortable place like human beings in the modern age! Diana’s family went camping – tent camping – the whole 9.99 yards! In fact, they loved it so much that one time they did it for an entire summer and went all over the entire USA.

So, when I met Diana, she was intent that I should learn this very wonderful family activity that had such warm and romantic memories for her. Being the compliant fellow that I am with such a benevolent heart to please, I did it. We even went camping for 10 of the 17 nights we took on our honeymoon trip to Florida and the southeast. We did a fair amount of camping trips with the boys when they were little, and even a couple of times since living here in Maryland. There was one particularly good trip to Acadia about a decade ago. But honestly, most of them were washouts – I mean that very literally – involving copious amounts of water falling from the sky. One time on Ocracoke Island, the people in the tent next to us were literally able to canoe around their campsite.

Well, back in 2006 when I had a two-month sabbatical, we included some camping nights in Yellowstone and the Mountain West as part of our trip to the National EFCA Convention in Denver. One evening in Yellowstone – in JUNE – it was simply too cold to sleep. There was frost on the inside walls of the tent. About 3:00 in the morning I looked at Diana in the dark and said, “Diana, I’m going to confess something to you that I’ve hidden from you for all these 29 years we’ve been married. I HATE CAMPING; I’VE ALWAYS HATED CAMPING; I only ever did it because I love you. But this is the end. I will never go camping again.”

And I haven’t … not for Diana … not for the men of the church. “Read my lips,” said George Bush 41 … “not gonna do it … wouldn’t be prudent.”

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Tim Lester, The Devil?

Wouldn’t you know it? The very Sunday that I fail to take my camera into the service, I miss a great shot. And then I’m stuck with only my phone’s camera to try and take a picture – something it does not do very well indoors. (Well… there to the left is what I was able to get!)

Yes, Tim Lester preached the entire sermon with a stick attached behind him with a drawn face of the Devil – as if Satan was whispering in Tim’s ear. (I’ve often wondered why Tim always cocks his head to the left as if he is attempting to hear something!)

However, I was kind of wondering if maybe the way to see this is sort of like one of those identifying little plastic sticks that you have in a six-pack of vegetable or flowering plants – you know, the stick that identifies what those plants are. So, was the stick really saying that THIS IS THE DEVIL!

No… Tim is one of a kind, and devils are really rather common if you think about it.

 

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The Devil in the Sound System

I know this seems absolutely silly to those of you who are, say, age 30 and under, but there was a time when absolutely nobody thought of the idea that a church should have a worship team of instrumentalists and vocalists leading a service. Most churches just had a song leader; or in large sanctuaries with a pipe organ (likely made in Hagerstown at the Moller factory), the organ was so loud and so in charge that it was “the leader of the songs – the hymns.”  Some larger churches might also have had an orchestra.

But ALL churches of any size whatsoever had a choir. My first job in a church in 1977 was with a Christian and Missionary Alliance congregation in Cherry Hill, NJ.  I was the choir director there for a year – my final year of college and first year Diana and I were married. The total attendance of that church was about 100 people. In terms of talent, it was one of the best choirs I ever had.

Anyhow, in the old order of doing church, choirs were often the veritable den of iniquity in a church!  It was too frequently a place of gossip and discontent and opinions and egos run amuck! Honestly, I never had many problems as such in the three churches where I weekly did this sort of thing for a period of about 15 years … though one time in Dallas when there was a small controversy about something, I did put a sign on my office door that said “Office of the Department of War.”

I think it was the famed radio preacher of a previous generation – J. Vernon McGee – who said, “When Satan fell, he fell into the choir loft and has been there ever since!”

If that was true of the 1900s, I’d submit that the saying for this century is that “when Satan fell, he fell into the church sound system and has been there ever since!”

Yesterday, I was in the Café service where Todd Seville was sharing some thoughts related to our new series called “Unseen: Exposing the Paranormal” … and he was commenting about the ways in which Satan and his minions may affect the proclamation of the Word in church. One of the things he said was how technical problems seem to happen at the worst times – the power will go off, or something of that nature. When I spoke, I made some further remarks about the topic. All I can say is what I see that happens; and I can tell you without any doubts whatsoever that things like computers and printers break down on Sundays at a rate far beyond what they do on any other day of the week (even though they are more used on those other days).

Well, when it was time for me to speak at the 11:00 iGrow session, I looked around for the wireless microphone that is always up front – having just been used by the 9:30 service speaker that morning. It was not there, and I was then told that it malfunctioned during Chris’ sermon. I heard later that it was unexplainable – that there was a new battery right out of the box just put into it … that the problem was not the switch or anything like that. It just stopped working.

We’ll research it some more. But you have to wonder if the paranormal was not being exposed! Hmm? Who could it be? Hmm? Could it be SATAN?!?  (You also have to be older than 30 to remember “the Church lady” on Saturday Night Live.)

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Baseball is Back – It’s a Good Friday!

Yes! This is how I know summer can’t be far away. Baseball starts tomorrow on Good Friday – so, it is a good Friday! It is the resurrection of all that is good in America. As the song goes: baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet! I even have me a new Chevrolet! (New to me, that is … it’s a 2002 – the newest car I’ve ever owned!).

I know, I know… some of you out there think baseball has all the action of dung beetles working over a cow chip. As I always say, it is the thinking man’s game – free of thugs running up and down a court and HGH-induced monsters inflicting life-debilitating brain damage upon one another.

I know, I know - no matter how much lipstick you put on it, it's still a Baltimore Oriole!

There is a surprisingly high number of Christians in baseball. Much of this is credited to the very good chaplaincy ministry that goes on at most minor league locations. Guys in the minor leagues are often very open to hearing about the larger issues of life. It is difficult to “make it” … even for those with a big ton of talent.

As I’ve written before, unlike football and basketball professionals who were stars all their lives in high school and college, professional baseball players all start at the bottom and have to work their way to the big leagues. We saw it last year with the Nationals top draft pick – Bryce Harper – who played half of the season in Hagerstown. And the Orioles top pick this year – Dylan Bundy, who is a recent high school grad who throws 100 miles per hour – will be starting at DelMarVa (Salisbury, MD).

Anyhow… Orioles fans – you can follow my Orioles blog on the page called BirdsWatcher.com … and I’ll have other less intense postings at my former Orioles blog at www.osayorioles.mlblogs.com.

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Rite of Passage / It Will Fix Itself

A Rite of Passage

After five boys spanning a total of 13 years, there are multiple times through the same experiences as a parent – like the last kid in little league, going through graduations, etc. Of course, one of those recurrent parental experiences is teaching your kid to drive! As of yesterday, we are now completely finished with that process. The last boy passed his driver’s test.

I honestly thought this driving thing would come more naturally to the boys than it did, but it is a long process. And the ordeal is especially long in the state of Maryland, with varied requirements for the permit and classes, along with the great joy of many trips to the Motor Vehicle Administration. That is not a place known for customer skills, but I can tell you this – they are a dream compared to their counterparts in New Jersey.

The process is so long, difficult, and complicated, that it totally amazes me as to how ANY illegal aliens are able to get a driver’s license. It was hard enough to do while speaking English; I can’t imagine how difficult it would be for someone with a foreign language. Yet somehow, thousands of them manage to get it done. I understand there is quite an elaborate black market for such – there would have to be.

It Will Fix Itself

I had an experience today that reaffirms my view about mechanical things – if you ignore a problem long enough, it will fix itself.

My belt assembly was far more complicated than this one!

My garden tractor had the very long and complicated mower deck belt break last year. I found a replacement belt and did the repair – TRULY, the MOST advanced mechanical thing I’ve ever done in my life!!  It worked great – for a while. Then, one day after one of the boys used the tractor, the tension was weak and the blades turned poorly. I had to cut grass very slowly in order to keep the blades from choking. So ended the summer of 2011.

Now, with grass needing to be cut again, I got the tractor motor started after a great deal of fussing with it (again, something about which to have great mechanical pride!), but as with the end of last season, it worked poorly and I could tell the tension was weak.

But somehow, while cutting today, I began to realize the tension in the belt was back and the power was taking me through the grass like a hot knife through butter. I cannot explain it. But once again, rather than getting it fixed – given enough time, it fixed itself.

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Snakepath Road

While driving from Charlotte, NC to Appomattox, VA yesterday, I passed an interesting road name in Southern Virginia. It was intriguing to me, so I turned the car around and went back to explore it. The name of the street: Snakepath Road!

So what generated this name? Was it the migratory pathway followed by slithering serpents upon their annual journey from one disgusting mud hole to another? Or was it merely descriptive of an oft twisting road?  The street did turn and curve a good bit – though not excessively beyond many country neighborhood sorts of roads.

Well, about a mile down the road, Snakepath intersected with Dairy View. Isn’t that special?

But also along the way were the ruined remains of an old log house – quite a sight! When one sees such a building, you cannot but ponder the folks who built and lived in that structure at some point in the distant past.  My guess is that they likely died from some venomous toothy kiss from a reptile!

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Snake Update

Those who have read my blog over the years (not just this one, but the former blog hosted on the old church web page) know that I have a strong disaffection for snakes. So, in the spirit of “laughing past the graveyard,” I have a regular posting from time to time about these vile creatures. There is generally no shortage of bizarre snake stories in the news.

With this particular blog that is now hosted by WordPress, I am able to look at a category of statistics that tell me how many people each day read the blog, what pages they read, etc.  It also tells me how people found the blog using search engine terms.

By far, the #1 search term that captures people out there to click on thewordofrandy.com is “ball python.”  You may recall that I previously wrote a post about one of these things.

Ugh! Now, I think that is weird!  I would have thought something like, “the wisdom of Randy Buchman” would have been first … or “incredible pastoral insights upon life and culture” … something like that!  Nope!  Rather it is “ball python snakes!”

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A Wise Guy Chicken!

I believe I have a totally defiant chicken.

Surely they know I’m watching them and counting how many eggs they lay per day. We have 20 hens … so, I expect at least 17 or 18 eggs per day. There is not much room for slacking off!  I think we’ve only hit 20 a day on three occasions. So that tells me that everyone is capable, but that some days, somebody is holding out and being lazy.

And one of these chickens must have a sense of humor also, saying, “So, he wants to see an egg every day … OK, I’ll give him one that he can count on his official list ……”

 

UPDATE – this is a week later than everything posted above …

So, while feeding the chickens one day this week, I had a little talk with them (they didn’t say much back). I spoke to them about the importance of “continuance of effort” … that really, they only had one job per day to perform, though I was thankful for any stinkbugs that they ingested. And, I just casually threw out there the question about what type of soup them liked … and mentioned that chicken noodle was hard to beat for most folks.

Well, I think it had a positive effect, as can be seen from the picture below …